He called you a what?

Kids are really creative when it comes to getting under each others' skin.  Most of the time, they make up ridiculous things to say to each other, and then the kid on the other end of it gets offended.  So of course, when they tattle, I look insensitive, because it doesn't sound like that big of a deal.

Case and point? Today, this happened in first grade.

Boy 1: STOP IT!

Boy 2 : snickering

Me:  What is the problem back there?

Boy 1: He won't stop calling me names!

Me: That's interesting, considering the fact that nobody is supposed to be talking, because I'm giving directions.

Boy 1: glares

Me: Well come tell me what he called you.

Boy 1: angry glare at Boy 2, and slowly walks to the front

Me: While he's making his way up here, who can remind us of what we are suppo---

Boy 1: He called me...princessy.

Me: Wait what?  What does that even mean?

Boy 1: glares

In that same class, this also happened:

Girl incessantly waving her raised hand.

Me: It's not question time.

Still waving.

Me: Do you have a question?

Hand waving Girl: Yes.  He said----

Me: That's not a question.  That sounds like a statement.  So, are you telling me something?

Hand waving Girl: Yes. He asked me if I wanted a ::incoherent mumble (with a pouty face)::

Me: A what?

Hand waving Girl: A smelly, dirty sock!

Me: That's gross.  Where is this sock?

Sock Boy: It was a joke.

Hand waving Girl: pouty face

Me: Well, I don't see a sock...and (to sock boy) no one would want that anyway...so let's move on...

Every once in awhile though...I hear a genuine attempt at an inappropriate word/name, cleverly masked as something else, but I usually don't figure it out until after the fact...

Little Sister (to her Big brother): Come on you ::incoherent word::!

Little Sister: Ms. S, I call my brother a "funker"!

Little Sister (to her Big brother): Funker! Hurry up?

I was really confused...does he smell or something?

Me (to Big brother): What does that even mean?

Big brother: I don't know...I guess it's a synonym for the other word.   HAHAHAHA! Bye Ms. S!

Still 19...

One of best (and sometimes worst) thing about elementary school kids is that they have almost zero inhibitions.  They ask you everything about everything, no matter how personal. 

Marriage

I was preparing to demonstrate the cup game to my 5th graders.  Before I started, I removed two rings from my RIGHT hand, and I hear whispers...

Girl 1: (whispering...but not really) GASP! She's married?

Girl 2: I don't know....

Me: Wrong hand girls....sorry to disappoint you.  I hear EVERYTHING...

Job Satisfaction

Perhaps the most random question ever came from a third grader, who just really likes to ask me questions. 

The Question kid: Ms. S, do you like music?

Me: Is this a joke?

The Question kid: I mean you are a music teacher, but do you really like it that much?

Another kid: WELL DUH!

And of course...AGE

By far the most interesting moments happen when my little Age Patrol comes to class.  She is very musical and she (like many 1st graders) has trouble staying in her own space sometimes.  But she also likes to do tailspins on my shiny floor, and sometimes kicks the kid behind her.  So, this particular class, I corrected her and kindly (but firmly) asked her to sit criss-cross so that she wouldn't disturb the people behind her.  

Me: Please sit correctly, and stay in your own space.  When you spin around like that you are not respecting others, and that's one of our rules...

Age Patrol: (frowns at me, and whispers under her breath, but not really...) You're just a teenager anyway!

I was so shocked, that I impulsively responded with, "I AM NOT!", which, I'm sure  just affirmed my teenage qualities in her mind!


For career day, I gave a Zumba presentation for a fifth grade class, and they had a great time! So naturally, they were full of questions...

Girl: How old did you say you were?

Me: Older.

Girl: Well,  you look 19...

I gave an encore presentation on Friday for the other fifth graders, and as they are leaving, and talking about how much fun they had, one of them says,

Biggest fan: Did you hear me cheering you on! I'm your biggest fan! WHOOOOOOO!

The absolute BEST part about being a teacher is that no matter how much stuff "the powers that be" try to bog us down with...no matter how many times people say that we aren't doing our job...To our kids, we are celebrities, we are heroes, and they love us even when no one else does.  

And that's good enough for me.   

What's a Beethoven?

The most interesting conversations happen in my kindergarten classes.  I suppose it's because they are so curious and innocent (most of the time!).  

During one of our movement activities, we pretend we are cooking a delicious dish with beat motions, and we use Beethoven's "Six Ecossaises".  We've done it twice now, and they absolutely love the song.  

Little boy 1: What is that song? I just really like it!

Little girl: Yea me too!

Me: Well guys, it's a classical piece by a man named Beethoven.  He was--

Little boy 2: What's a Beethoven?

Me: He was a composer.  A composer is somebody who makes music.

Little boy 1: Do you know him?

Me: Ummm no, he died a long time ago.  Even before I was born!

Little boy 2: Did he go to Jesus?

Me: I suppose he did.   

Despite our rocky start to the year, I think the kindergartners are finally getting into the swing of things...and by that I mean they aren't crying when they get off the bus.  In fact, both of my crying friends give me big smiles now!  

Next, we just have to learn how to raise our hands AND wait to be called on.  Oh, and taking turns...always a challenge.  In due time, we will get there!   

I can't believe she's STILL not married!

Every so often, my students inquire about my "status".  Last year it didn't happen too often.  This year...it already seems to be coming up entirely too much this year.  It's the second week, and I've been asked (to my face) twice...

On the first day of school, as the 5th graders were lining up, I hear lots of whispering and then someone said, No you ask her!" 

Girl 1: Ms. S, are you married?

Me: Ummmm...no.

Girl 2: Dating?

Me: Bye girls.

Girl 1: You really should start dating.

Girl 2: That was her not me!

As if that wasn't bad enough...today, in first grade...

1st grade boy 1: Are you a mom Ms. S?

Me: a tad mortified No.  I don't have any kids. Tries to quickly redirect but...

1st grade boy 2: Are you married?

Me: No. So anyways, next we are going to...

Age Patrol: You got a boyfriend Ms. S???!!?????

Me: NO! Moving on....

1st grade girl: YOU'RE SINGLE?????!!!!!! You should be married!

After finally diffusing the shocked gasps and giggles, they realized that I looked different...

Age Patrol: HEY! Ms. S, where are your glasses?

Me: At home. I have on contacts today...

Age Patrol: Do you always wear makeup?

Me: confused...I'm not wearing makeup...

Age Patrol: Oh. But sometimes you do right?

I wasn't really sure how to take that...

Despite all those distractions, the class ended on a good note (pun intended) when my little age patrol said, "Ms. S, you sing so pretty. Whenever I use my singing voice, I try to sound like you!"

So I guess their rationale is...even though she should be married and has no kids...at least she sings pretty well!

Happy Friday!

The kindergarten experience...

I remember being the kid that was super excited to go to school.  Little did I know, going to kindergarten is traumatizing.  We're talking copious amounts of tears, holding on to the fence while screaming "DON'T MAKE ME GO!" traumatizing.  Needless to say, morning bus duty on the first day was a tad heartbreaking, because I had to watch the looks of confusion and terror as the kids walked through the swarm into this unknown place.  

Now, I didn't have any kindergarten classes on the first day, so I just observed them in the halls.  The funniest thing was the child who spun in circles while walking in the line.  The teacher kept telling her to walk the "right way", but to her that was "the right way" so she kept doing it!  I guess the teacher never specifically said that spinning wasn't allowed, only that she had to be behind the person in front of her (which she was)...

By the second day, most of the kids have warmed up to the fact that they have been "abandoned" for 6 hours at a strange place with a bunch of other "abandoned" kids, and a few big ones who seem to know what they are doing.  Mostly, they are a bit more comfortable with the 6-hour temporary guardian that is their classroom teacher.  Everything is cool until after lunch, when the teacher takes them to specials.  

Well today, I had my first group of kindergartners...and with that group came two criers...

Now, most people know that I'm not the best at dealing with crying because I don't like the sounds,or the sputtering, or the snot that comes with it.  However, I do my best to divert their attention to fun things so they aren't so inclined to cry.  

The first girl, stopped after her teacher left, but then every five minutes she would blurt out "I wanna go home!".  Well, after the fifth outburst, I simply said, "Sweetie, me too.  But guess what? I've got to hang in there for a few more hours just like you.  So I guess we are both stuck."  She gave me an odd look after that, but I think it worked, because she stopped saying it.

The other one made it through the first 30 minutes, and then he just lost it.  I can't understand kids when they cry, so I let him have his moment on the carpet, and the rest of us kept singing.  About 10 minutes pass, and he's still crying.  Another kid looks over and goes, "DANG! He still cryin'?" 

Priceless.  

Things teenagers say...

During the summer, I spend eight weeks as a camp counselor, and this year I had the lovely privilege of working with the 12 & 13 year old group.  

Now, remember...I teach elementary school...so teenagers are a whole new ball game.  Nevertheless, it was quite an experience and here's what I learned...

1. Say "hashtag" before you say something important. #theywilllisten
2. ILYSM means I love you so much.  
3. Teenagers speak a different language.
• "Do I look crusty?"
• "Stop being so ratchet!
• "You are the queen of ratchetness."
• "GURL, Chill your dill!" 
• "We were just YOLOing!"
4. It is in fact possible to be "Instagram famous".  
5. They say whatever comes to mind...no matter how strange or inappropriate at the time...
• "How do babies poop in their mom's belly? Do they come out covered in crap?" 
• "MY UTERUS IS BLEEDING!"
• "If you lay on the floor and your lower back touches, you don't have a butt."
• "I really need to defecate."
6. Personal space is a foreign concept to them...
• "I love sniffing you."
• "Your skin feels like play dough."
• "I've known you longer than your boyfriend."
• "I'm googling you RIGHT now." 
7. Teenage relationships are ridiculously complicated.
• "I'm so frustrated! I like this guy and I don't know what to do! Help me!"
• "OMG I told her I like him and now she's flirting with him!" 
• "Honestly at this point in my life, I'm just looking for a hot guy with a six-pack."
8. Teenage girls are ALWAYS in a glass case of emotion.  First they are mad, then they are screaming, then crying and then the next thing you know, they hug you like nothing happened.  It's so confusing.  
9. Teenagers have to do stuff when they want to...not when you want them to, otherwise you will most likely hear..."OMG you're so annoying!" 
10. Know the current pop culture trends...
• "You don't know what Vine/Instagram/SnapChat is? You're so old!"
• Me:  Ummm...guys, what's a "thun thun"? Blonde guy: I don't know...but whatever it is...DON'T DROP IT!  

Overall, we had a great summer, and I absolutely loved my crazy teenagers...but I'll be glad to get back to my little ones soon!    

School's Out!

School is out!  My school year can be summed up in this one situation that happened last Friday...

It was the last day of music for Age Patrol and her class.  So I broke the news to them...

Me: Well guys, today is last day in music as kindergartners.

Class:  ::varied responses:: OH NO!  But I'll miss you!  YES!

Me: And the next time I see you, you will be first graders right?

Little boy: But our teacher said we are already first graders.

Me: Well...almost...but anyways, I hope you guys have a wonderful summer, and I'll see you in September!

Age Patrol (to another girl...as usual):  I just love Ms. S so much, because she's a just a kid like us!

Other girl: SHE'S NOT A KID!

Another year down :)


I'm taking a hiatus until September...or maybe August...then I can give a hilarious rundown of my summer camp adventures!

Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar? (Pt. II)

 Be sure to read part 1 of the "Cookie Saga" here. 

The agreed upon consequence for the cookie incident was a loss of "Fun Friday".  So, while their classmates participated in fun activities...they had they lovely privilege of coming to my room, during my lunch time, to fill out a reflection sheet. 

My reflection sheet has three questions:

1. Uh oh...what happened?
2. What could you have done differently?
3. How will you make a better choice next time?

One of them wrote:

"I told her to take the pretzels and she told me to take the cookie, so I did, and she got caught." I was puzzled...

I do believe I've been bamboozled. 

The pretzels were a gift from the PTO on Monday.  So, not only did they crumble my cookie, but they ate my pretzels!  And they didn't even feel bad about it!

Summer break cannot come soon enough!

Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar? (Pt 1.)

It's been a while since this situation occurred, and now that I've seen it all the way through, I can post about it.  In retrospect, the whole thing presented a very teachable moment that was vaguely reminiscent of the Bruce Bogtrotter cake scene in "Matilda"...minus the school assembly and forcing a kid to eat a cake the size of an exercise trampoline.    

During Teacher appreciation week we were showered with lovely gifts from the PTO, students, and admin. One of my students gave me cute little gift basket, with a few treats, a gift card, and a chocolate chip cookie.   

THURSDAY

9:20: Received gift from appreciative student. Placed gift on desk.

9:45: Kindergarten shows up.  We sing, dance, laugh, and they go.  

10:30: Fourth grade comes 

11:05: One fourth grader playfully asks, "Ms. S, are you gonna eat your cookie?  Can I have it?"  Of course I said no...and we laughed and finished up our class.

10:15: Fourth grade leaves, and the cookie is still in its place, on my desk, in the gift basket.  Third grade shows up

11:59: Third grade lines up to leave.

12:00 Third grade walks out the door into the hall.

12:01: As I'm gathering my stuff to go to lunch, I went to grab the cookie to eat for dessert...only it wasn't there!

If I had to pick one thing that really gets under my skin, it's stealing.  You don't just take things that do not belong to you.  It's wrong.  

Since I didn't see it happen, I couldn't accuse anyone.  But I knew that I could rule out the kindergartners and the fourth graders.  That only leaves 3rd grade, so I had to do a 3 minute CSI reconstruction of the scene (in my head). 

When the kids line up to leave, the line starts at the door and makes an "L" shape.  The line turns along my desk, but that's usually only five or six kids at the end of the line.  So, I had my suspect pool...

Luckily, they were still in the hallway outside my room (traffic jam), so I walked out and calmly asked if anyone had picked up something that wasn't theirs. I never said what it was. Most of the students at the back of the line said no, with very convincing looks of shock that anyone would take something from me.  

I knew that someone had it, so I simply asked, "Are you sure?" And then...

Guilty party 1 (pulls crumbled cookie out of jacket pocket): I didn't take the cookie! [Guilty party 2] put it in my pocket!"

Guilty party 2 (look of shock): No I didn't!

As usual when kids get caught, it was always "someone else" who told them to do it.  

Meanwhile, the other kids are just oblivious to what was going on, and the line started moving, so I pulled the two students aside.  

Me (very calmly): It's very disrespectful to take things off of someones desk.  I wouldn't come to your home and take from you.  

GP 1 (loud and crying): I DON'T STEAL!  I DON'T DO THAT!

Me: I didn't say you stole anything, but you did have it in your possession.

GP 1: BUT I DIDN'T TAKE IT!

So after getting the two of them out of the hallway (because it was turning into a huge scene with this child screaming "I'm not a thief!"), the story was: GP 2 told GP 1 to take the cookie.  GP 1 said no, so GP 2 took it and put it in GP 1's pocket.   



Sound sketchy???  It should because it was.  The consequence was a loss of Friday privileges, during which time they had to come and "reflect" on the incident with me while their class did fun stuff.  I also called their parents.  


That should have been the end of it, but of course the story always changes once the kids go home...  

To be continued...

Happy Birthday Ms. S!

Last week was my birthday, and so I went to school completely prepared for the inevitable "How old are you?" questions. 

Naturally, after every "Happy birthday Ms. S!" came "So how old are you?".

My standard response was, "Older than I was yesterday." That only worked sometimes.  

5th grade girl: So Ms. Sobers, you're 19 right? 

Me: No...

5th grade girl: So then how old are you?

Me: Older. 

5th grade: 33? 27? 45? 90? 103?

Me: Yep. 103 you guessed it.

1st grader (passing by): Wait...103??? Aren't you going to be dead soon?

Me: No, because I'm a vampire. I don't age.

I did fess up my true age to one class.  Only because they started that song where they say "Are ya one? Are ya two?...." and I couldn't let them spend all that time singing, because I did need to teach them! 

She's a Tomboy...you know, a boy and girl!

Sometimes kids say/do inappropriate things on purpose, and I freak out and call the guidance counselor.

Other times, kids say things that sound like they might be inappropriate, but really it's innocent and they don't realize it.  Either way, I freak out. 

Today, I was having my 2nd graders get clipboards for a short quiz.

Me: If you are a girl, please go get a clipboard and pencil

Cool guy 1: Ms. S, did you say girls or boys, because Sarah went, but she's both.

At this point I had a panic attack and began trying to figure out how I was going to approach this statement. I was so freaked out, that all I could say was...

Me: What!????

Cool Guy 2: Yea, she's a tomboy.

Me: ::Thank goodness::  

A lot of my students feel like they can ask me socially inappropriate questions because I "appear" to be young.  

"Too grown for 5th grade" boy: Ms. S, can I ask you a personal question?

Me: NO.  But I'm sure you are going to ask anyway.

"Too grown for 5th grade" boy: Is that your real hair?

Me: No. It's a wig.

"Too grown for 5th grade" boy: Can we see??!!!!!

All of the girls in the class were mortified.  

BTW, in case you are wondering...I did in fact tug on my hair so he could see that it was not a wig.  He apparently thought it was "fake" because the color doesn't look like it grew in that way.  I told him it came out of a box, and he seemed satisfied with that answer.  Gotta love 5th graders.    

Grown-up hair...

Coming back from a break is always iffy, but so far it's been (fairly) smooth sailing.  

I think we all came back from break nice and refreshed, and of course the kids come back with new hair cuts, and styles.  It's never a big deal to the kids if a classmate comes back looking different than when they left for break.  But when it's the teachers, it's news worthy...because we are NOT supposed to change. EVER.  Lucky me, I came back with "new" hair.  Same style, slightly shorter, but different than before we left.  

Let's back track...so you get the full picture...

Before break, I got my hair trimmed, and my stylist also straightened it.  Since my hair is ridiculously curly, it was a big change and of course...a HUGE deal when I went to work the following Monday.

"OMG Ms. S! What happened to your hair?"

"You look beautiful!"

"WHOA, like the hair"

"Is that a weave?"

"Did you get a perm?"

"You look better with straight hair.  It's not that it's bad when its curly, but it's better straight." 

By far the best reaction came from my favorite little Age patrol (who still thinks I'm a kid).

A.P: Ms. S, did you iron your hair?
Me: No, I went and got it done.
A.P: Oh, so your mom did it?
Me: No, I went to the salon
A.P (to another kid): Her mom did it.

Well now, it's post Spring Break, and my hair is back to curly.  This, surprisingly, was also a big deal

"Ms. S, WHY YOU CHANGED YOUR HAIR BACK?  Mmmmm...it looked better straight. Change it back."

"WHOA, Grown up hair do!"

"Back to curly huh?  Yeah, straight is too much work."

"Hey you're curly again!"

"She's back!"

"Awwww man!  Why did you change it?"

You had curly hair, then straight, and now you are back to curly?  Make up your mind Ms. S!

Moral of the story...chose a style and stick with it Ms. S.  Your indecisiveness is driving the kids nuts!

It's not racist...it's history...

Yesterday I got my 500th view!  Thanks to all of you who read about my classroom antics!  

We have been preparing for the 4th grade program.  It's about Virginia history.  Let's just say that as much as I love living in the Commonwealth, it's no surprise that the history of Virginia was a little rocky.  So, it's no surprise that a major part of the program is related to the Civil war and the slavery conflict, all the way up through the civil rights movement.  There are speaking parts, and singing.  So this was how our initial discussion went...

Super smart girl: Ms. S, how come we can't sing fun, cool songs like the little kids?

Me: Ummm...because your program isn't about rainbows, and counting to ten, and holidays....it's about Virginia. There was nothing "fun" about slavery and the civil war....

Other smart girl: Good point...

So we got past that, and now the kids are really excited about being able to have a large part in putting together their program.  

All of their ideas are creative and I'm glad that they are taking this seriously.  However, children are very literal, and while they don't mean anything offensive, I have found myself having to nicely filter all of the "ideas" that might earn me a spot on the front page of the local paper. 

Here are some of the top contenders...

"We could have two darker skinned children on one side, and two...ummm...fair skinned children on the other side, you know like 'separate' but then at the END they come together because they are equal!" Borderline...

"We can hold up a book that says Jim Crow." Oh dear. 

"Do you think we should dress like slaves?" I'm pretty sure my eyes flew out of my head at this one.  

"We could show the black protesters getting arrested!  Can I wear the handcuffs?" To which another child responded with, "Isn't that a little RACIST?"

Every time one of them threw out an idea, I had to strategically "help" them come to a less controversial version of the idea, or run interference by totally changing the idea but making it seem like it was similar.  Meanwhile in my head, I could see the headlines...

TEACHER DRESSES STUDENTS AS SLAVES 

TEACHER HAS STUDENTS 'SEGREGATED' DURING PROGRAM 

TEACHER HANDCUFFS BLACK STUDENT IN ATTEMPT TO SHOW CIVIL RIGHTS INJUSTICE

For those of you cringing in terror right now, it is actually going to be a great program.  We are singing a lot of traditional American songs, and there is a good balance of historical facts.  I learned a lot just by putting the program together with the kids, so I know that the audience will find it interesting.  And my fourth graders are some of my best singers :)

On top of that, the students have a significant amount of input and that makes it a much more exciting experience for them. 

Hopefully they are practicing their music over Spring Break!  

All the Single Teachers...

So this past week, there was an unusual amount of focus on my marital status.  Now, I'm not the only unmarried teacher in my building, so you wouldn't think it would be such a big deal...but it was.  Twice in the same day in fact.  

First, my third graders come to class, chatty as usual.  

Girl: Ms. S, why is your jacket so big on you? Do you have a husband?

Me: No....

Girl: A boyfriend?  Whose jacket is that?

Me: It's mine...can we get started now?  

Then later, something similar happened with my first graders.  But since I never have a camera rolling to catch these moments, this is the best way I can describe the second scenario...

Is it Spring Break yet?

"Regular-job" working people reading this blog are probably thinking, " Pssshhhhh...you teachers and your breaks!" but my fellow teachers in the trenches with the little people...I'm sure you are feeling it too!  

I am convinced that something happens to kid brains around the following events and/or times of year:

• The first week of school "We will smile and do whatever you like, because we want you to like us"  
• The second week of school "And now we will show our true colors, but remember, you already like us!"
• After Thanksgiving:  This is usually when the "Elf on the Shelf" comes out, and kids start putting their halos on so they get good stuff for Christmas.
• Week before Christmas break:  Let's just say that the learning is probably minimal this week...
• Week after Christmas break: "I'm rocking in my NEW shoes" (Pete the Cat reference BTW)....and my new clothes, and new toys, and new everything! I"m so new, I forgot how to act in this place called school....
• Full moons, impending snow, or recess-cancelling rain:  Let's just say, that this pretty accurately describes the kids...

REEEEEEE-CEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS!

With this in mind, you can imagine how next week will go!  

Spring Break....come quickly!!

She's dressed like a grown-up!

Today was "dress up like a career" day, in honor of "Oh the Places you'll go".  I was running behind, so I just grabbed whatever was already ironed and bolted out the door.  


I ended up wearing a pinkish/purplish button up shirt and slacks.  Well, for some reason if you wear a button up shirt, you look a tad more "professional"...or at least that's what the kids think...


Anyways, I was admiring all the career choices in my favorite kindergarten class that morning.  A few doctors, veterinarians, police men, superheroes, and teachers, with extra "bling".   So as I'm pointing out what I see, my lovely little age patrolling friend raises her hand...

A.P: Ms. Sobers, you are dressed like a teacher right?

Me: Yea, I guess, just like any other day

A.P: No, because you are usually a kid, so now you are a teacher right?

She said it with a straight face, so I'm starting to think that she really does think that I'm a teenager who teaches their music class...

And for the record, I do dress like a teacher everyday!

Hey, did you know there's a hole in your face?

In elementary school, kids are OBSESSED with their mouths.  I find myself daily telling children to stop chewing on their hair, shirts, and one time...shoes (I couldn't make that up if I tried...it was GUH-ross).

But the number one mouth related thing they love to do?  Play with their wiggly teeth.  

Now, I know that all kids lose their baby teeth, and that doesn't bug me.  What bugs me is the elaborate show of dramatics that comes with the loss of a tooth.  

First, a kid runs up to you with their mouth WIDE open (because losing a tooth is newsworthy), and their hand is in there rolling around in the gaping hole left by their missing tooth.  That means that there is most likely slobber running down said hand.

Toothless child: Ms. S guess what!!! ::hand in mouth:: 

Me: What happened to your face?  There's a HUGE hole in it!

Toothless child: Ms. S!  I lost a tooth.  And guess what the tooth fairy left me?

Me: A dollar? And some Germ-X?

Toothless child: Five dollars! 

For a baby tooth?  ::"Are you serious right now?"  jaw drop::   RIDICULOUS.  

It's even worse when a kid actually loses the tooth while in my class.

Overly Dramatic Bystander: Ms. S!  His tooth!  His tooth fell out!

Toothless kid: ::standing aimlessly with tooth in hand; other hand in mouth::

Me: Ok.  Go wash your hands.  

Overly Dramatic Bystander: But Ms. S!  His tooth! Can I take him to the nurse? He needs the nurse!

Me (to ODB): Where are your teeth?  

Overly Dramatic Bystander: ::puzzled:: In my mouth...

Me: Good.  So you just relax, and let me handle this.

Toothless kid: ::STILL standing aimlessly with tooth in hand; other hand in mouth::

Me (to the toothless kid): Are you bleeding? No.  Good.  Go wash your hands.  Put the tooth in a tissue.  Tissue in pocket.  Tell your mom when you get home.  

I'm pretty sure kids hate having life experiences like that in my room. Losing teeth is supposed to be exciting...or so I've heard.  It was never a big deal to me, so I'm sure it's very anti-climactic for the poor kid who's tooth happens to drop out in music class.  

It's nothing personal, but I just can't get excited over a life event that involves slobber and bleeding all at once.  Yuck. 

  

Hey, who are you? "I'm the New Kid"

Lately we have had an influx of new students.  I don't know if this is just a transient time of year, but it seems like every week, I'm meeting at least three new students (they come in packs!).     

Whenever we get new students, I get notifications in my mailbox.  So I ALREADY KNOW that they are coming.  However, this scenario usually takes place on said new kid's first day in music class...

::students lined up at the door, waiting to come in::

Classroom teacher: We do have a new student today, John, although I'm sure you got a slip in your box.  

Line leader: We have a new student.

Next kid: Hey we have a new student.

::this continues...::

Kid 15: Hey Ms. S, we...

Me: I know about the new kid! I knew before you did!  

New kid: Hi, I'm the new kid.

Me:  (not amused) Is that your name?

Sometimes, I forget that a class has a new student (and the rest of the class doesn't say anything).  That scenario usually goes like this...

::class is seated, waiting for instructions, and one kid is standing aimlessly::

Me: Why aren't you  ::weird face:: Wait, who are you?

New Kid: I'm the new kid.

Rest of class:  That's the new kid.

Thank goodness for those slips in my box, otherwise, I would never know the names of these kids.  It's just like the episode of "Recess" when Gus Griswald came to Third Street School, and the King of the playground took away his name.
  

I like a little change as much as the next person, but I only see each class 45 minutes, once a week, so new kids are not fussed over that much in my room.   The "new kid's" first day in music is a crash course in the lay of the land; and also the only free pass they get.  So, I'm a little bit nicer than I normally am when I have to correct a behavior  (that just means I spare them the crazy looks and the "corrective snap")

New kids are like new shoes; you're really careful with them the first couple days, but after that, you keep it moving. So, the next week, I expect them to fall in line with full compliance just like everyone else.   Music class is only once a week, so they only get one class to be new, and after that they better get with it...  

We've got a Stage 4 crier over here Ms. S!

It's not that I'm insensitive, I just don't really like the sound of crying.  I think it's an allergy or something.  Elementary age kids are still learning how to handle their emotions, and the first response is to "cry now, think later".  

• Sometimes when kids are upset, they cry for a few minutes, and then the tears magically disappear like nothing happened.    
• Sometimes they cry for attention, which involves the "Look to see if anyone is watching and turn up the drama" strategy.  
• And then there's the "I don't feel good, but I don't know why"  
• My favorite is the "Oh crap, I'm in trouble...Quick! Cry so she feels bad!" 

Me, I don't flinch.  Crying gets ZERO response from me.  I know you are thinking that I'm mean, but I'm a big proponent of self-regulation.  And in the time it takes to stop the class to ask a kid what's wrong, the others find ways to get themselves in trouble, and then the next thing you know, everyone is crying.

So, I handle crying children much like a hostage negotiator (I've been watching a lot of Flashpoint on Netflix).  Isolate the crier, distract the rest of the class by continuing teaching (attention makes the situation worse), and then give the majority of the class a self-sufficient activity so that I can deal with the crying kid.  After that, I engage in a strategic negotiation, in attempt to restore the normal flow of my class.   

• Wait for the calm in the storm.  When an upset child is crying, all rationalizing goes out the window.  They are caught up in the moment, and they just need to scream, or snot, or tantrum, or whatever else floats their little water-logged boats.  Crying brings out the inner Hulk in some kids...there is yelling and really strong emotionally charged gestures.  So, I choose to wait until they are back on the shore of rational thought, before I engage, because I really don't like being shouted at (or snotted on).   So, I let my crying friend have their moment, but out of view of the rest of the class.
• Evaluate the situation.  Once the child is calm, I inquire about the issue at hand, very non-judgementally.  This usually garners one of two responses:  a) "I'M STILL MAD AND I'M GOING TO SCREAM WHILE I TELL YOU WHAT _____________ DID TO ME!"   or, b) I'm not ready to talk...I"m still mad, but I know you will walk away if I start flipping out again...so give me a few minutes to get my mind right, and come back".   I'm sure you noticed that both these scenarios involve me walking back to the rest of the class.  
• Set the ground rules.  Once my crier is calm and ready to talk, I set the rules; no screaming at me, or I walk away, no pointing at other students, and NO LIES.  I want the whole story, not just the part where the crier got upset.  This usually takes another 5-10 minutes and involves me walking away at least twice before getting the story.
• Get the facts.   This part takes the longest, because sometimes children do not want to give the whole story, especially if there were two wrongs involved.  There might be some walking away involved here also, so that my crier can get their story straight.  
• Resolve Sometimes the whole issue was just a misunderstanding.  Most of the time, it's something so minor, that after we resolve it, the crier realizes that they missed the whole class because they were crying.  In the more serious cases, there is usually a mediation and apologies are exchanged.  And not just a wimpy "I'm sorry" either.

What is the rest of the class doing?  Having a grand-old-tear-free-time making music...I mean, that's what they came to do right?